Diabetes Management - Tips On What Not to Do to Diabetics

"You have diabetes, you should not be eating this."
"This food is good for diabetes, it is in the Facebook post I forwarded to you, did you read it?"
"You should exercise more. You don't do enough exercise, that is why you developed diabetes."
"This sweet dessert is soooo good, c'mon have some, just a little should be OK for your diabetes right?"

Sound familiar? These are the things my patients with diabetes tell me during my coaching sessions with them, that they often hear from their well-meaning friends and family.

As a medical doctor whose work is focused on coaching and supporting people with diabetes make lifestyle and eating habits change for better diabetes control, it dismays me, a lot, hearing this. Enough for me to make this video and this blog post, which I hope would open the eyes of friends and family members of diabetics on how their often well meaning words and 'helpful' acts may discourage, derail more than they would help the person with diabetes.

Watch the short video below. Or read on.

Watch: What Not to Do to People with Diabetes

In this video, I share four things that family members and friends commonly do that make life harder for people with diabetes. And I speak directly to those people too.

Four Things We Should Stop Doing to People with Diabetes

If you have diabetes, you may recognise some of these. You may have felt them but never quite found the words.

If you are a family member or friend of someone with diabetes, I hope you would read this with an open heart. I know your intentions were good. But let us also see how perhaps many well meaning words or acts by family members and friends of diabetics may actually land differently and become a discouragement to the person with diabetes instead.

Number One: Stop Blaming and Shaming The Diabetics

I have had many patients tell me this. They feel unfairly blamed. Not by strangers. By the people closest to them.

Studies show that as many as 50 to 80 percent of people with diabetes report negative emotions from feeling judged or blamed by others for their condition. That is not a small number.

Can you see what is happening here? Many factors contribute to the development of diabetes. Diabetes is a complex condition. Nobody wants to get diabetes, but yet people with diabetes often feel as if their family members seem to say "You only have yourself to blame for getting diabetes"

I know that majority of people never thought of their diabetic friend or family members that way, never intended to convey that in their words or actions. But yet, whether it is due to miscommunications or the lack of it, people with diabetes are often made to feel ashamed. As if their condition is a reflection of their character.

I want to say this clearly. Shame does not help people change. From my years of experience coaching people with diabetes, shame is one of the most unhelpful barriers to the lifestyle change that good diabetes management requires. It does not motivate. It paralyses.

Number Two: Stop Spamming Diabetics with Random Diabetes Information.

This is a 'funny one', my diabetic patients often share with me that their phone is full of messages, of WhatsApp forwards from relatives. Screenshots of social media posts. Articles about the latest food or supplement that is supposedly good or bad for diabetes. And at best, my patients would simply ignore the messages, and at worst, they would feel irritated or even stressed by them.

I understand why people send these. They were trying to be helpful. Their intentions were good.

But let me say this to all these well-meaning friends and relatives who 'spam' their diabetic friend or family members non-stop with random, uncurated, unverified articles about what are supposed 'good' for diabetics, STOP. 

At best, such piecemeal information may simply confuse, but many such uncurated, unverified information may misinform, misguide, discourage and or in certain instances even harm. 

What a diabetic need to most is not more random and piecemeal information, but personalised and structured help to support them to identify specific areas in their lifestyle and diet that would most impact their diabetes management, and the support, including curated and verified information, that will help them make the necessary change and improvement successfully.

Number Three: Stop Stressing Them

Here is something I want every person who has a diabetic friend or family member to understand. Stress is stealthy and harmful. 

Stress is one of the most common and also harmful thing that people with diabetes have to deal with. And stress for diabetics often come from 'unexpected' sources - that of well-meaning friends and family. 

What may have originated as well intended reminders to diabetic friend or family member to mind their diet, to exercise more, to .. , to ..., may inadvertently end up as another source of stress to people with diabetes.

In my experience coaching patients with diabetes, the ones who make the most progress are not the ones with the most persistent reminders at home. They are the ones with a supportive Change Buddy. Someone who walks alongside them. Someone who makes the change feel possible, not overwhelming.

Instead of being a diabetes monitor, can you be a Change Buddy? Same same but different, very different. And if you want to understand how stress specifically affects blood sugar and diabetes control, you can read more here: How Stress Affects Blood Sugar Levels and Diabetes Control.

Number Four: Stop Tempting and Taunting Them

This is the one I feel most strongly about. And I am going to say it plainly.

I have had many patients tell me about this during their coaching sessions with me. Their spouse, their children, their close friends, people who love them, knowingly offer them foods that are clearly bad for their diabetes control. Foods they are working very hard to cut down on.

At family dinners. At gatherings. At church cell group gatherings. Someone brings sweet dessert they made with love, then turns to the person with diabetes and says: "Aiyah, just a little only lah. Don't be so strict. Enjoy yourself a bit."

I have seen what this does to my patients. The struggle. The guilt if they give in. The social discomfort if they do not. Week after week, at nearly every family meal.

So allow me to say this directly. Stop it.

You may not have bad intentions. But you are making their journey harder. A journey that is already difficult enough.

Can I just say this. If you cannot be part of the solution, can you at least try not to be part of the problem?

The More Important Question

If you have diabetes and you recognise any of these four patterns in the people around you, I want to say this to you.

Your journey is yours. The people around you may unintentionally make it harder. But don't let that discourage or derail your personal journey to combat and overcome diabetes. I don't have the answers, because everybody's family and social situations are different and unique. I can only encourage you to learn to not let that stop you from trying your best to improve your lifestyle and eating habits.

Because that is the more important question. Not "Why can't they understand how this is affecting me?" but "What can I do next, a little better, that will help me to control and combat my diabetes better." 

You can overcome your diabetes. One habit, one step, one day at a time. 

Learning About Reversing Type 2 Diabetes

If you have diabetes and are not as equipped with the essential foundational knowledge about reversing Type 2 diabetes as you should be, I have a structured online learning programme that you might find very useful. You can find out more through the link below.

Find out more about the Reversing Type 2 Diabetes: Essential Basics - Structured Online Learning Programme Here

Related Posts on Diabetes and Lifestyle Habits

• Eating Habits for Diabetes: Why Family Is Key
• How Stress Affects Blood Sugar Levels and Diabetes Control
• Stress, Sleep and Strength: Lifestyle Habits Beyond Diet for Diabetes
• Can Type 2 Diabetes Be Reversed? Dr Chan Answers

About Dr Chan Tat Hon

Dr Chan graduated from the National University of Singapore medical school in 1992. For the last ten years, his work has focused on lifestyle medicine. He works with healthcare and corporate organisations to design and deliver lifestyle behaviour change programmes, train health coaches and build communities engaged in cultivating healthy behaviours to combat diseases.

He also provides training and coaching to individuals with diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, cardiovascular diseases and other lifestyle-related chronic diseases through 1-1 personalised coaching, live webinars, and online courses.

• 1-1 Personalised Coaching with Dr Chan
• Online Courses and Programmes by Dr Chan
• Reversing Type 2 Diabetes: Essential Basics Online Programme

About This Video

In this video, I highlight four things that family members, relatives, and friends commonly do that make the diabetes management journey harder for people with diabetes. These are blaming and shaming, spamming with random information, adding stress through constant reminders, and tempting or taunting with foods that are clearly bad for diabetes control. I speak directly to both those with diabetes and the people around them, and I make no apology for the strength of my words on the subject of tempting people with diabetes with the wrong foods.

Full Transcript

The following is the full transcript of the video above.

Let's stop doing this to people with diabetes. If you have family members or friends with diabetes, this video is for you, this might help to highlight unhelpful things that you might be unintentionally or accidentally doing to them. If you have diabetes and you have family members or friends who have not been understanding or helpful in your journey to better control and combat your diabetes, this video is also for you, for you to share with them, so that they will become more understanding more mindful of the things that they should avoid doing that might be unhelpful to you. Welcome to another episode of The Habits Pharmacy, where Habits Become Medicine. I'm Dr Chan, your host. I made this video because in all my years of coaching people with diabetes to undertake lifestyle habits change, be it my patients at my clinic or participants at my Habits as Medicine workshops, I've come across many people with diabetes who face many challenges with their family members relatives and friends when they try to make the necessary lifestyle and eating habits changes to better control and combat their diabetes. Let's jump straight into it.

Four things that we all should stop doing to people with diabetes. Number ONE - let's stop Blaming or Shaming them. I have had many patients with diabetes tell me that they felt blamed or shamed for the diabetes condition by their family members of friends or feeling subjected to negative stereotyping. In fact, studies have shown that as much as 50 to 80 percent of people with diabetes report negative emotions resulting from feeling judged, blamed by others for their condition. Number TWO - let's stop Spamming them. Let's refrain from inundating them with any random pieces of information that we come across on social media that are related to diabetes. Not only would that cause them to feel overloaded with information, but sending them massive amounts of information about diabetes in a piecemeal manner, without verifying the usefulness or even the accuracy of the information, and without taking into consideration the actual needs, challenges and goals of the person that you are sending this random information you found on social media to, may be more unhelpful than helpful. Number THREE - let's stop Stressing them. Reminding your loved ones or friends with diabetes to change, improve or be more mindful of their lifestyle or diet may be out of good intentions, but it is also important to be sensitive to the state of mind, the receptiveness of the person with diabetes to your well-intentioned reminders. Sometimes, when it comes to making difficult lifestyle or diet changes, what people with diabetes really need, may not be reminders but encouragement in the form of action. Instead of playing the role of a monitor or supervisor to ensure that they make the necessary lifestyle and dietary habits changes, why not play the role of a supportive Change Buddy to them. I have done a video where I elaborated on the three ways that we can help people with diabetes in their journey's to improve their lifestyle habits to better combat diabetes, you might want to watch it after this. Last but not least, Number FOUR - let's stop Tempting them. I have had many patients and coaches with diabetes share with me, during the lifestyle change coaching sessions that I do with them, that their spouses, family members, friends often intentionally tempt or even taunt them with foods that are clearly not good for the diabetes control, foods for which they are actually trying very hard to learn to cut down on. For example, during family meals or gatherings amongst friends, their family or friends would order desserts snacks with clearly unhealthy amounts of sugar or highly processed carbohydrates and then openly tempt them to eat the foods that are clearly going to be unhelpful in their diabetes control and management, saying things like, "Come join us! Have some. I'm sure it is okay to have some sweet stuff or unhealthy stuff once in a while. Don't deprive yourself, relax, live it up a little, don't be so uptight!" To people who have been doing this, allow me to say this to you, "STOP IT!" You may not have bad intentions, but please just stop tempting or taunting your family members or friends with diabetes with foods that are clearly bad for the diabetes control, especially when they want to and are clearly making the effort to cut down on them. I'm sorry if you feel offended by my strong words, I apologize, but I feel very strongly about this because as a doctor, a coach, a friend to hundreds of people with diabetes, I have seen their struggles whenever their family or friends tempt and taunt them with foods that are clearly bad for their diabetes, foods that they are trying so hard to cut down on. So please allow me to say this emphatically again, "STOP IT!" Stop tempting and taunting people with diabetes. even if you do not have any ill intentions or were only doing it jokingly. Can I just say this, if you cannot be part of the solution, can you at least try not to be part of the problem? So these are the four things that we should stop doing to people with diabetes. 1. Let's Stop Blaming or Shaming them. Let's Stop Spamming them. Let's Stop Stressing them. Last but not least, let us all Stop Tempting and Taunting them. If you want to help and encourage people with diabetes to improve their lifestyle and diets to better control and combat diabetes, I have a video on three things that you can do to help people with diabetes, you can watch it here or you can find the link to the video in the description below. Let Habits be Thy Medicine. I am Dr Chan, Eat Well and Be Well.

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